The Classy Gents Guide to Sports: Winter Sports
Fresh off the back of some brilliant conditions in the Alps, Classy Gents comes at you with some handy tips for the winter sportsgent. Whether you’re flying off the Hundschopf, throwing double cork 1260s, or doing your first falling leaf on the nursery slopes these tips can help you, and the rest of the resort have a better week. So here is a (lengthy) summary of what to wear, how to behave on the slopes, and how to attack the evenings.
Equipment
Warmth - Clearly the elements are public enemy number 1 when you’re on the hill, frostbite isn’t fun for anyone. Although on most days in Europe you’ll be fine in the usual layers, in North America in particular it gets cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Everyone and their dog will tell you to dress in layers (and they’d be right), but the secret weapon of a man used to the cold are mittens. When you think of mittens, don’t think of the knitted ones you wore as a child (as excellent are they were), proper ski or board mittens will keep your hands warm pretty close to absolute zero and can look the business as part of any outfit. Although bear in mind: if your core is cold, your extremities will be, so wrap up warm gents around the world.
In terms of sartorial prowess – this is one area you can wear almost anything and its fine. Enough people will be borrowing kit from mates that you won’t stick out too much even if you dressed in a Christian Audigier shop with the lights off. Of course we can do better than not looking dreadful here and the well-dressed on piste generally fall into three camps. Bear in mind these groups are fairly different and (at least) one of these groups will probably strike you as a repellent thing to wear.
Also, don’t be a twat: wear a helmet.
The Classic:
Stick to subdued trousers and tops, we’re talking made by Salomon, Volkl, Helly Hansen, etc. Red jackets are a big name in this camp, as are black trousers (although avoid red trousers and jacket: you’ll look like someone from ESF, and nobody wants that). A word to the wise, I’ve seen nothing to suggest Spyder or Moncler equipment is any better than the stuff offered elsewhere but if blowing a few bags and wanting everyone to know is your m.o.then fire away.
Likely to fit in: après ski bars, nicer places for lunch, Courchevel 1850.
Final word: Older people and the more inexperienced love this look, it’s a classic, inoffensive look. Think of chinos with a polo neck and a V-neck sweater , but on the slopes.
The Halfway House:
Despite the use of a fisheye lens and atrocious technique (look at that hip dropping, tsk) this photo shows us the stylings of someone keen to differentiate themselves from the masses, but not about to start c-walking to dubstep at the Folie Douce. A good look for anyone with a bit of skill, you’re not offending anyone but won’t be loved by the park rats nor the 2 hour lunch brigade.
Likely to fit in: anywhere on the hill, more casual bars, a jack of all trades
Final word: You’re likely to see a lot of good younger athletes as well as the older people with enough experience to know they can get down most slopes without bailing using this option.
The Newschooler:
Without a doubt the riskiest look on the list: if you dress like this you’d better be able to back it up. Where the classic and the halfway house can be worn by a range of skill levels, if you strap this on, you’re immediately inviting as much attention as you can find. Often from the same range, always bright, always contrasting. Big trousers, bigger jackets or tall tees, and freestyle planks or board are obligatory. The outfit will be made up of the coolest brands in your respective discipline. For skiers you’re looking at Armada, Line, Moment, Empire and their ilk. Boarders, I’m afraid I can’t help too much but probably Analog and Lib Tech (I may be hugely out of touch, feel free to correct in the comments).
Likely to fit in: the park, the club, dirty house parties, seasonnaire bars
Final word: If you’re a skier and don’t know what a pretzel is, or a boarder who thinks cabs are just taxis for Americans, stay away. This will get you looked at, and you’re the boss when you can pull it off. High risk, high reward.
NB: If you’re buying skis, don’t buy some made by Ferrari/Gucci/Harley Davidson, your skis won’t impress any of the above groups, and you don’t buy Ferrari skis if you pay no mind to others.
On the Piste
Mostly a PSA section I’m afraid: Challenging yourself on the slopes is very important, stressing your technique will show you some flaws in your movement (bonus pro tip: if you can’t ski using with the same panache slowly as you can quickly means that there’s something wrong with your technique. Something to bear in mind next time you’re stuck behind a ski school snake). Doing this where you’re going to nail someone if it goes wrong is deplorable. Other more obvious tips are helping people up, if someone’s fallen on the landing of a jump throw up a ski or board on the takeoff to stop others coming down. Treat it like driving a car: you wouldn’t wildly veer from your usual course or stop dead in the middle of a motorway – don’t do it on a groomer.
Evening Entertainment
Apres Ski
Fresh off a sesh on the mountain you fancy a sesh off it. Sounds good to us.
The immediate après ski is the domain of the person who wants to hit every day on the slopes, and unwind in the evening. It’s not the place to get Oliver Stone’d and pass out on the floor. You can make tonnes of lovely friends, and it is totally acceptable to sit at other peoples tables and join them for a pint. One thing nobody likes however is the boaster. No matter how class you are, you’re not the best in the bar let alone the resort. If someone asks you if you had a good day what they want to hear is “Yeah, it was great, the snow was really good on the north side of the valley for most of the morning wasn’t it?!” the other person can talk about where they skied, what bits they like etc. What nobody wants to hear is “Yeah, it was great, I went off piste in the morning and then only skied blacks after. Did I tell you I have an avalanche transceiver?” If you can’t see why this is important please close the tab in the browser. Oh, and in a similar camp to “wear a helmet” is “don’t ski smashed”.
Pro drinks: Beer, the local draft, Baileys on ice, vin chaud, gluvine, local spirits.
In the Club
If you want to be on top form every day and night, Classy Gents recommend the pre-dinner nap. This probably will limit your après to 2-3 drinks but you’ll be the one laughing in the club when all the uninitiated pass out at 12 (or carry on until 3 but have to miss a day’s skiing). This lifestyle is best summarised by Special Blend’s motto: “First Chair. Last Call.”
Pro drinks: Jägerbombs, flavoured vodka, wine with dinner.
So there you have it, a brief guide on what to wear, how to behave, and how to get on it at altitude.
