Every gentleman worth their pepper is aware of the dangers of enjoying a fine cigarette: the shade of your teeth and fingernails can start to clash with your waistcoat, bronchitis makes gurgling ‘Goodnight Sweetheart’ into a cheap bottle of port a frightful effort and need I mention the inconvenience of losing one’s breath. All these though pale in comparison to the loneliness of the long-term smoker, especially in the biting winter months- ousted to a barren beer garden, frustratingly pressing buttons of broken outdoor heaters and all to enjoy what used to be part and parcel of the pub’s charming experience.

There is little sophistication in debating the rules here but it would be unfitting not to bemoan the loss of good pubmanship and the fine art of tabbing, at least a little. However every cloud has a silver whatnot and in lieu of an eagerly-awaited speakeasy culture a new gentlemanly pursuit has arisen: recreating the perfect pub experience in the comfort of your own drawing-room. Here at Classy Gents we thought it only appropriate to share some of our favourite tips for doing just that.

Firstly you need to be au fait with the aesthetics; the look of your pub must be just right. We would advise a mix of both Victorian classic and late 1970’s chic for example a well-filled Embassy-branded ashtray on mahogany fittings, a warming-fire, a disappointing cigarette machine beneath the head of a stag and the froth from a pint of mild on an elegant moustache.

Secondly, accessories are a must- a true pub should provide a modicum of entertainment. If the space you are dealing with isn’t quite large enough to house a full billiards table or a dartboard cabinet & oche then perhaps you might consider keeping a set of dominoes or a shove-ha’penny board for those who require it. Music too can provide the ambience you’re looking for; as I’m sure you’ll agree vinyl should never be substituted. Either a jukebox with a mediocre selection of Hall & Oates or a gramophone dripping in Ella Fitzgerald should do the trick.

Thirdly and finally you will need booze and the illusion of clientele. For the latter we suggest hiring a number of older men from the locality to sit at the sides of your room making noises/incoherent words at each other and then laughing about said noises/incoherent words. Make sure they have a ‘usual’ drink so that when they come to the bar they need only tap their glass and place the money on the bar in the knowledge that the designated barkeep is already pouring them their ‘usual’. For the drinks be sure to stock as many drinks as possible. Remember beer comes in many varieties (in your bar porter, scotch and stout may be the most popular) and although you can’t remember seeing anyone order anything involving Midori, Crème de Framboise, peppermint or shrub cordial, Blue Curacao or Agnostura Bitters be certain to have them stocked and in clear view from the bar.

With these precautions in place you are free to enjoy your drawing room as you see fit, drinking as irresponsibly as an upstanding gentleman can until you choose to ring the bell for time.